I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You need Xanax blowdarts
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize