I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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