we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
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You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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