That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
