i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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