I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
