kristin has been a bad kristin
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
