You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
