if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
