why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
