I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
