I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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