he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
No subtext here. People are naked.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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