There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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