Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Brb crying the tears of my youth
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
