You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize