Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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