Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
