Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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