just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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