On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
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This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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