i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize