This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
