I seem to have left my pride at pride
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
