Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
