I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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