i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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