why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
