I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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