His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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