I wish i was in the wii world.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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