I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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