If i could tip my vagina, i would.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggles of a small town man whore
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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