I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
and she was petting her beer can
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
