You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
