His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
