Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
