its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
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my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
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I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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