trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
