Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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