i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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