MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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