His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
