you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
In America we eat man semen.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
