Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish i was in the wii world.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
