i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
