oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
