You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
That's intense
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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