it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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