then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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