cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
