I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
