i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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