Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
