It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
