I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
