I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
pray to the hookup gods
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
