is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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