I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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